3 Signs You May Not Belong In First Class.

Last week on our flight out of Guatemala, Beth and I stepped into the promise land: First Class.

And it was everything we thought it would be–lots of space, plush seats, priority boarding, and complimentary food and beverages. It was magical, there was even one moment where I found myself sipping champagne, listening to Hendrix’s Star Spangled Banner over the airline radio, watching The Office, playing my first winning game of iPhone Monopoly against Beth and eating warm nuts (yes, all at the same time), and I thought to myself this must be what heaven is like.

Then we got home, and I got sick, presumably from something I ate in first class. During those three days, in which, I again had priority; though, it was only for the bathroom, I did a lot of thinking about our time in First Class and realized how obvious to frequent first class flyers that we were first timers. I then came up with this list of signs that you may not belong in first class.

1. Getting overly excited about warm nuts.

I’m assuming the flight attendants heated the assortment of nuts up in the microwave, but when you get them at 30,000 feet, you smile and giggle about how freaking great it is that they give out warm nuts in a bowl. In all honesty, this could have something to do with the fact that the airlines are too cheap to even pass out a gram of prepackaged nuts to economy class, but regardless, to get excited about warm nuts is a sign you may not belong.

2. Pissed you didn’t walk over the first class mat at the departure gate.

Recently, I noticed that during boarding on major carriers that in the first and business class boarding lane the airlines lay out a special mat that only the aforementioned get to walk over at the gate, while everyone else, even some of us with priority boarding because of a credit card (looking at you United) don’t get this royal treatment.

However, during our recent first class travels, I was shut down from the mat twice. In Guatemala City, I was diverted. But then it got worse. In Miami, they didn’t even have a special rug for those of us in first class. I mean, seriously, the children in Guatemala laid out pine needles for us to walk on when we arrived at the school, so you’re telling me the airline can’t throw out a dirty mat for us? In hindsight though, I realized that if you get upset about not getting to walk over the magical first class mat, then you may not belong.

 3. Your tray table looks like it just endured a room service bender.

After an hour, my 11 x 17 tray table looked like a Las Vegas hotel room occupied by Hunter S. Thompson, except there was no hotel bill to deal with and certainly no fear and loathing, only a smiling flight attendant all too eager to fill my empty wine glass. Now, over indulging in first class may or may not be faux pas, especially for actors, musicians or literary geniuses, but since I’m none of these, then I’m putting an overloaded tray table in the you may not belong list.

What are your tips for making the most out of flying First Class?

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