Seems like you and your tribe….

Christmas 2006

Decided you’d rewrite the Law – seperate the mind from body, from soul.

This line has been stuck in my head all day. Wishing I could sing out loud now instead of getting too worked up. Turns out the landlords just stopped by and kicked us out. It’s not anything we did but instead they are moving back in due to financial problems. This is strange in a couple of ways.

I seem to remember getting kicked out like this from my other place (because a relative of the landlord wanted to move in) last Decemeber, 4 days before Christmas and 1 day after my surgery. That was a fun letter to discover on the door after coming home from my hospital stay. Yesterday I spent 5 hours in the hospital having tests done so it is strange now this comes today, the day after that. I’m thinking hospitals must have a strange effect on my living situations.

I actually enjoy when wierd things like that happen, even though this one sucks.

The biggest bummer in this whole deal is that my sister and brother-in-law are going to move back to Boston now. I’m pretty bummed. I really loved having them here and I knew they always were planning on moving back but I figured I could make them wait it out until after the cold months in Massachusetts had passed. They’re excited to go home because they will be house hunting thanks to some very generous in-laws. Unfortunately that deal is only good on the east coast – nothing like dangling a carrot for your kids to come back home. So in any case, I’m happy for them and that is a good move for them.

Now I know that things can get worse, they can always get worse and in reality moving is really just a giant pain in the butt, it’s not a huge problem by any means. I’ve already had a sampling of stress far worse than this. That could be summed up as the entire year of 2007. With the passing of 3 loved ones, the work headaches and health problems it really was pretty rough. In fact, my friend Lauren and I decided 2008 was going to be “our year” – the year things finally started falling into place. We even made T-shirts that said:

“2008 – It’s gonna be great!”

And I can’t say it’s been bad. Things are definitely looking up and I’m feeling way better than even a couple months ago. But at some point you just want things to work out, without anything else going wrong. I’m sick of being sick, being poked, prodded & tested on and then having other things, like this, happen. I mean I have to move again? Really? We just moved in March. It gets old. I just want to have my life back and stop dealing with all this crap. Plus, I like my place – I have the best bedroom ever!

The bad part is that the constant turmoil has caused me to dream about the big trip as an escape. Instead of thinking about it as a huge cultural discovery, I just think about how I can’t wait to get away from it all, do nothing and be responsible to no one, except friends and family. Away from not feeling good and medical tests, away from landlords kicking me out of their places, etc. Blah!

I can feel myself reaching the breaking point. I am trying to remain positive about my tests and after some wine tonight I won’t care about the stresses of the day. In fact, even now I’m kinda of laughing to myself about it. Everything happens for a reason and I’m just trying to remember that. I mean this is obviously how it is supposed to be for whatever reason. In a few months maybe I’ll get to figure out what that reason is.

Sometimes I feel like my life is not really my own. Before we got booted from the first place in December I was so stressed out and I was thinking that I needed a change. So while I was upset that i had to deal with finding a new place during that particular time period, I felt like a change would be good. And like most of the strange conincidences & intuitions of my life I was literally, just 2 days ago in the car, thinking that I needed another change. I was starting to feel stifled and stuck but I figured I was just nervous about the upcoming medical tests. Now amazingly 2 days later I’m getting that change, even though I would’ve preferred that it came in a different form (maybe like the lottery), here it is.

No more parrots screaching outside my window every morning, no more ridiculous planes at 11pm flying overhead, no more itty bitty kitchen – I guess there are some good thing that could come from this after all. Of course I will miss being 2 blocks to the beach and I will actually miss the loud green parrots outside my window but I have to smile when I wonder where I’ll end up next and what the next adventure will bring.